The Thought

I had a thought the other day. Just a little thought, for a moment or so. It was one of those thoughts that just scrape along the sides of your consciousness and you tend to pay no attention to it. But not this thought. Oh no, this thought was different; it had all the qualities that a good thought should have but was somewhat lacking in the aspect of sustenance. Okay, so I had this thought and it was kind of depressing and it just went away. It didn’t go away permanently though. It came back later. It came at one of the worst times possible -in school- and it didn’t go away. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to break things. This thought had an effect on me like nothing else did. Twelve hours have passed and the thought does not seem to disappear. It has latched on to my brain like iron to a magnet. Oh how I wish I could control this, life would be so much easier. This thought is making me sadder and sadder as the day is progressing. Nighttime is approaching and I would like this thought to go away. I want to sleep tonight, I got no work done because of this thought and I would at least like to rest my mind and body. But nooooooooo. Why should I be so lucky? This thought made me stay awake through the night and made me witness the light of the morning break through my window. There are things that no one should do and staying awake alone through the night is one of those things. It is sad and only added to my sadness. I got out of my bed at ten A.M. and wandered around the house with no hope, like my soul had been crushed overnight and I had no solace. The thought is still running across my head, by the way. Just as I plan on going out for a while, the phone rings, it’s the hospital down the lane from your house. FUCK. I’M ON MY WAY THERE NOW. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I FEARED. SHIT.
As I see you lying on the hospital bed, unconscious, the past day loops around in my memory. The thought I had. Oh the egregious thought I had. The thought about you lying on a hospital bed, unconscious, slipping away from my life and yours and that of everyone you have ever known. Slowly but surely, it all came true.