The Price of Comfort

Raindrops splash in a puddle,
As your feet try to find solid ground,
On a night filled insatiably,
With the howls of creatures the devil found,
Making no mistake, you step on,
On and on and on,
Till a street comes by,
And your entire party stops,
Afraid of the engulfing darkness,
Afraid of what lies within,
Afraid, they look to you,
And you, willingly submit,
Though you know the consequences to be dire,
It’s in your nature to be servile,
And so you illuminate the dark realm,
Using the light of your life,
You give yourself away,
So others may survive.

Road Trippin’

Rolling down the asphalt,
Watching the country pass by,
And listening to dulcet sounds,
I am reminded only of your sweet kisses,
Your lips interlocked with mine,
The sweet taste of your candy flavoured lip gloss,
Ah, what a time it was.
It WAS a time because you were ephemeral,
16 and too young to be gone,
But tumours come like tornados,
And take all the good with them,
Really can’t do anything but try to prolong the inevitable,
But in the end, I guess,
It all just becomes an act of letting go,
And once that is mastered,
Everything becomes easy,
Or rather, just becomes less complicated.
That’s what I’ve learned in the 56 years of my life,
Anyway,
It’s been forty years,
My hair’s grown old,
My body’s become shrivelled,
But one thing remained constant,
I never loved anyone the same way again.

Windows

They call them the windows to the soul,
Ah what a beautiful soul it must be,
To allow the windows to glisten in the sunlight like they do,
Benign though the world is,
It can be somewhat harsh,
But hush little Lala,
One day the rain will stop,
In the meanwhile, Lala,
While the storm rages on,
Swaddle in a blanket,
And wait for the sun to come out,
For when it does come out,
Your eyes will glisten again,
Like limpid dewdrops on a droopy leaf.

Gone Girl

Rolling down a dusty path,
Wind in my hair, sand in my eyes,
Thoughts muddled;
like those of a confused elephant,
Don’t have anywhere to be,
Just wandering without purpose,
Ain’t got no companions,
Other than this dusty road

Even though you sit next to me,
I don’t exactly feel your presence,
I see your jaw go up and down,
But what you say doesn’t make sense to me,
Not that I try to understand,
Not that I really care,
But I see your jaw go up and down,
And I wanna cut your fucking throat off.

You just sit there,
Talking about stuff from a bygone era,
The Beatles, Hitler, Stalin and Jesus,
The things they did,
the things that happened because of them,
I don’t care,
And I wanna rip your fucking throat off.

Now you’ve stopped talking,
Mainly cause you’re unable to,
Not much that one can say,
Without a larynx, pharynx and all of that cockamamie biological stuff.

Point is,
I’m alone now,
There’s a head in the car seat gap,
The seats are all bloodied,
The body’s limp,
And a silent scream is on your face forever.
Now do you realize?
You should have kept your fucking mouth shut.

A Consistent Inconsistency

I remember a little child who used to be fascinated by the world and everything in it. He used to look at the flowers, but didn’t dare to touch them, as he was afraid of making the dewdrops fall. He felt the hot summer sun of New Delhi twinge his neck. He looked up at the sky and blinked.

He opened his eyes and in front of him was a laptop. He had the body of a 16 year old and his fingers were typing out something his four-year-old self couldn’t even imagine fathoming, for his mind was frail, his body frugal and his life full of innocence. That’s all it took to make twelve years fly by. Just a blink of an eye.

It’s hard to understand just how our young, innocent, clueless mind turned into these engines that never cease to amaze. Somewhere along the line, during some microsecond of the blink, we changed into these monsters that hide under the skins of average everyday beings. Now, instead of being afraid of letting the dewdrop fall, I pluck the flower and throw it away.

Someone once told me that life is a wonderful gift and that I should cherish every second I spend living on Earth. I accepted the advice and moved on. That was a couple of years ago. Had he met me a couple years later, though, he would’ve left with an earful of very carefully selected words.

My point is, twelve years changes a lot of things. However, I do not know where these twelve years went. Fuck those twelve years. I don’t know where my entire past life went. It just seems to have vanished in the blink of an eye. I’m afraid that three to four more blinks will have me lying on the ground or on a bed, looking at nothing but a bright, white light.

Fleeting Memories

So you finally come to me,
and sing a medley of love songs,
but to me,
it sounds like vultures searching for blood,
you are no minstrel,
But have intentions like that of the Pied Piper,
I lie, retrospecting, and the heroin kicks in,
Lying on a bed of air, I dream of carcass,
a carcass inhering in a field of disappointment,
being hunted by lost dreams and unwanted offspring,
rock solid ground below, wavering souls above,
the body dissolves into the ground,
the soul remains, now another amongst the billions,
preaching about the truth of life like a newbie,
while millions more rise from dissolved bodies,
coming to preach only some more,
the heroin wears off, I wake,
your face fleeting from my memory as it were here only a few moments back,
newspaper on the table, dated a month ago,
your face in the autopsy,
a knife with dried blood remains,
my fingerprints on it.

An Unforgiving Transition

I need to find my way,
A hundred kilograms on my back; I need to find the path soon
Sudden whims and vicious thoughts hinder my sight
No one seems to understand my plight
I stand here under this moonlit sky, with a hundred kilograms on my back,
I need to find my way.

Wolves howl in my ears,
Demons scream in my mind,
Telling me I won’t ever find it,
Telling me I’d be engulfed by the darkness,
“T’will be so on the day I die.”, I say
“And so you shall die soon.”, they reply
Scared, I run. I run with the hundred kilograms on my back, till the sun comes up,
The wolves and demons disappear, as if afraid of the light,
Oh, those petty fools, running from the very thing that sustains my kind,
With the voices gone, I focus on the hundred kilograms on my back,
My curiosity piqued, I peek in and see things unspoken wishing to be spoke,
Realizing that resistance would increase the load, I decide to speak,
With eyes full of tears and a heavy heart,
I speak.
As I speak, I feel a few grams slowly reducing from the load,
Person to person I go, cutting off a few grams with each person,
Only twenty kilograms are left,
Only one thing left to be said,
This is going to be a hard one,
I tell the person something that had been festered in my heart for a long time,
Finally, I don’t care about the response I get,
Only focused on the lessened burden, again I stand with a straight back.

With the burden gone, my mind less cluttered,
I can see my path clearly,
The bends are all mine,
So are the potholes and asphalt,
No kilograms on my back, I walk
I walk on the path and live a life,
I found my way.

The Thought

I had a thought the other day. Just a little thought, for a moment or so. It was one of those thoughts that just scrape along the sides of your consciousness and you tend to pay no attention to it. But not this thought. Oh no, this thought was different; it had all the qualities that a good thought should have but was somewhat lacking in the aspect of sustenance. Okay, so I had this thought and it was kind of depressing and it just went away. It didn’t go away permanently though. It came back later. It came at one of the worst times possible -in school- and it didn’t go away. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to break things. This thought had an effect on me like nothing else did. Twelve hours have passed and the thought does not seem to disappear. It has latched on to my brain like iron to a magnet. Oh how I wish I could control this, life would be so much easier. This thought is making me sadder and sadder as the day is progressing. Nighttime is approaching and I would like this thought to go away. I want to sleep tonight, I got no work done because of this thought and I would at least like to rest my mind and body. But nooooooooo. Why should I be so lucky? This thought made me stay awake through the night and made me witness the light of the morning break through my window. There are things that no one should do and staying awake alone through the night is one of those things. It is sad and only added to my sadness. I got out of my bed at ten A.M. and wandered around the house with no hope, like my soul had been crushed overnight and I had no solace. The thought is still running across my head, by the way. Just as I plan on going out for a while, the phone rings, it’s the hospital down the lane from your house. FUCK. I’M ON MY WAY THERE NOW. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I FEARED. SHIT.
As I see you lying on the hospital bed, unconscious, the past day loops around in my memory. The thought I had. Oh the egregious thought I had. The thought about you lying on a hospital bed, unconscious, slipping away from my life and yours and that of everyone you have ever known. Slowly but surely, it all came true.

You have eyes my dear, but you cannot see

You have eyes my dear, but you cannot see
How I long for the day when you will notice me
Sirens shall blare and so the bells shall ring
Gentle sighs shall escape our lips as our hands intertwine
Mindlessness grips us as we lay in the freshly dewed grass
Hand still intertwined and pulses racing
You touch my face as you sing a happy song
I turn my face towards you and you slowly disappear
A daydream snapped out of, a class entered into
Mathematical equations on the blackboard and I still think of you
Your voice, your eyes, your lips, you
Everything perfect, everything futile
How I long for the day when I become your favourite person
For now, I have to settle for a friendly face sitting in melancholy
Cause you have eyes my dear, but you cannot see.