The Answer

I look at the grey skies and wonder where the silver lining is. I want it to rain, but I also don’t want it to rain. I want to see the rainbow when the rain ends but I also don’t want to deal with the rain. This continual up and down that people refer to as life, is not actually life. Life should be full of happiness and sunshine, not rain and dry leaves. But I guess every bright day must face the brutal dick of time and succumb to darkness. Sigh, darness, how I fear you. Why must you drain this mortal world of colour and pave way for the demons to come out of people. Sometimes I’m awake at two A.M. and all I have are the demons inside my head and the one lying in my bed; they struggle to come out. I know I must be strong but my body has been stripped off of all energy. I want to sleep, I want to dance, I want to kill someone, I want to get high, I want to play football, I want to let the demons take over and die. Die. Death. Death may spook some people out, but it is all I think about lately. Why do I want to die? Why do I want to leave everything behind and be forgotten? Is it for eternal happiness? Nobody knows what happens when you die, so that’s not the answer. The answer, however, I might never get to know. It might be only because of over thinking, but it feels so real. I’m on a bus with 45 other people, I could talk to anyone and be/have fun, but no, I’m just gonna sit here all depressed and be anti-social. Welcome to my life. This sad life that I have spent searching an answer to and have come to no specific conclusion about it. That is what I do. I search for an answer. And all I want, is an answer to life before I die.